Today, in the LOUD IT series, I’m sharing my sistafriend Adaeze’s testimony. If you missed the previous posts, please check them out here. Faith in the Faithfulness of God, He turned it, and Transformation Agenda.
“Growing up as an only daughter with three brothers, I was somewhat spoilt. My parents and brothers doted on me and my perception of life was simple. My adult life started great as well. I was a fun spirited young woman who had everything going well for her; got a great job within 3 months or so of completing the mandatory youth service in a choice bank, and just had things falling step by step into place based on the picture I had drawn for myself. I’m sure you know that place where everything just feels picture perfect. I got married exactly a year and a half after I started working which was also in line with what I’d planned for myself. Life seemed like the gospel according to Adaeze. I’m sure God looked at me and my well laid plans and sometimes smiled.
I was one of those people who really wanted a honey moon baby; like my mum, I wanted to have kids early in marriage and then close the chapter shortly after seeing I had so many business dreams. I envisaged my first marriage anniversary to be something like having a new baby with my hubby by my side, or a very pregnant me. However, I was about to learn that it wasn’t about me. 6 months after marriage I became afraid (I know it sounds rushed but remember I had been actively trying to conceive from the honeymoon). I saw a doctor who then gave form to my fear. I was told I had a cyst that had crazy dimensions and if I didn’t get it out it will start to show like I was actually pregnant. I sought for secondary opinion and one of the consultants told me that my best option was an IVF procedure, which was a very expensive procedure. Bottom line, natural conception was not on the cards for me. There began my search and the beginning of my travail.
I was born again at the time, but not as committed as I could be. With the doctors’ reports behind my mind (remember I got several opinions), I started building my relationship with God, seeking Him and praying. Guess what? I even wrote a testimony in faith that I’d share in church but still nothing happened.
The doctors later advised me to perform what I’d term the ‘horriblest’ procedure ever. The doctor said my tube was fused and that I would have to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) procedure – an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. The pain tears you apart like the world is ending.
I took out the cyst as advised and reported to the doctor after recovery and he just said, “Now you are infertile.” How do you say that to a woman who had dreamed of a home filled with kids all her life? He delivered it like a line of a rap song but that statement hurt like crazy. The entire process started getting at me and my mental and emotional health worsened. I became mega sensitive to anything and everything. And if you merge the friendly nature of our people with the often good natured tactlessness, you would realize how tough my journey was. I was accustomed to having life work out the way I wanted and here I was, dealing with the brick wall I had hit. I also had to deal with people. People! They didn’t allow me to drink water and put the cup down. Comments flew at me from every corner whilst the people had no idea what I was dealing with. If I looked really nice, I would hear comments like ‘Stop doing fine girl o, better go make babies.’ At work people went as far as touching my belly, laughing and saying, “She still de do shakara, no go get belle”. Whenever a person asked me questions like, ‘what are you waiting for? I would immediately stop talking to the person and pine away in my misery.
The super friendly Adaeze soon became anti- social, because I was always scared of those statments like: “You should have had 2 children by now, let me not catch you with this board of a stomach next time,” ‘Ah!ah! You are still like this?’ I even had to stop working and started managing my business to avoid these questions but the questioners now changed hands. In church, I heard them all the time. Those comments we pass when we don’t know what people are going through hurt. I wish we would stop them. I left church depressed some times because of the things older women said to me. There were times people asked how long I had been married honestly and my husband would give an estimate and just say 2years, you’ll hear me scream No! Its 1year and 9 months. Perhaps I felt that way I’d be judged less harshly for not having had children. I actually heard someone say, “But it’s not my fault you are barren”. How do you say that to a woman? It’s funny how I can recall those things as I write and smile because God has been too kind.
I did the surgery and I still didn’t conceive for another 2 years. Meanwhile I had already resigned from the bank due to the supposed stress that was not allowing me to conceive. My husband and I spent and spent and it just didn’t matter, I just needed a baby. Some investigations cost at least N250, 000 at the time. We spent millions just investigating as I needed to counteract the doctors’ infertility diagnosis. With time I became familiar with terms like ‘ttc’ et al; I knew the addresses of all the ‘trying to conceive’ websites.
At some point I met a dubious pastor who said he’d pray for me to have a baby. You know how people meet you and hold your hands and they can tell you everything. I was so desperately vulnerable. I was 2 years past the doctor’s diagnosis, and had spent so much trying to manage it. He told me things about myself nobody else would have known. He then offered to pray for me. At the time I had never met ‘prayer contractors.’ He said I should pay N50,000 into his account so he could go to a mountain to pray for me and I willingly obliged. If he knew so much about me and my prayers hadn’t worked, perhaps God would honour his prayers. I could not tell my husband about him, so I raised the money and paid him. There was another who had separate bills for separate issues and took a cheque from me as payment for the different degrees of praying and fasting. It’s easy to look back now and think I was foolish but at the time I was desperately vulnerable. I knew he was a scam but I was too scared to refuse. Guess what? He went to at least 5 business offices but he still couldn’t clear the cheque, even though the account was well funded. He later contacted me to bring cash instead, literally screaming that he didn’t understand my cheque, and that was my escape route. I smiled and said, Beautiful Jesus! You do work miracles.
I remember waiting in fear for my period not to show, every month; I was in and out of the bathroom around the date Mr. Red was due. When he showed, I’d be so disappointed and depressed. Right after that I’d believe afresh till the cycle repeated itself.
My next port of call was to try for an IVF, but my husband wouldn’t hear about it. He wanted us to trust God and pray. Easy for him to say seeing he wasn’t the one with the diagnosis hanging over his head, he wasn’t the one dealing with all the comments, or having his flat tummy called a board. I made enquiries without him and the doctor said he had to attend as I needed a sperm donor. My hubby finally agreed but he warned me severely saying that he wasn’t game with this plan. I jokingly told the doctor that I will be one of the patients who get pregnant before they actually do the procedure. He smiled and said he didn’t know why he felt I’d take in before we were done with all the checks and so on. Those checks sha! Some were painful, invasive and embarrassing, but hey we still didn’t have the baby so we trudged on.
At some point in 2011, I attended a service at the Redeemed Camp where Pastor Adeboye declared that any woman who wanted to get pregnant will by December of that year. I remember him saying the prayer points out and I just felt lifeless. I looked at my friend and said, Haba! I need the baby now. Why should he say in December? I’m desperate and can’t wait for 3 more months. She just smiled and said God can still do it this night. So I began praying, ran all the way to the altar and lay flat on my face. There were at least 20,000 or more women with me even. I left forgetting about what Pastor Adeboye said.
The doctor attending to me called me on the phone to complete yet another wicked procedure. This was in October. I told him I’ll come in November as I cringed in fear. In November I said it will be in December. For some funny reason I just thought that what if, just what if, I was one of the women who God will answer from the Redeemed camp attendants; after all, the pastor said December.
In November 2011, there was a combined service at my church and we had a guest pastor in attendance. After the service, my husband and I were passing by and said hello to the pastor. He greeted us and asked about our family and kids. When we said we didn’t have any yet, he held our hands and said ‘By this time next year, you will have your own child’. Somehow, those two prophecies didn’t remain on my mind; I wasn’t expecting them to come through.
So I promised myself I would go for the horrid procedure by December 26th, I expected my period on the 25th and you are advised to come that way. At some point I just said ‘Kai, God! So common HSG you can’t prevent me from having.’ Well that was it; I never had to do it. That was my turning point. I felt the usual cramps, did my toilet investigations of living in the toilet and expecting my period to come. I did it for about 40 times a day at that time, hahaha! And the period never came.
I stopped going for pregnancy tests as I was tired of being stamped out with negative but this time it turned out positive. My joy knew no bounds. I was delivered of a baby boy in 2012. God did come through for me. Before I knew it, the devil was at it again, sowing seeds of doubt in my head. That that was all I would ever get. I started feeling I could never have a baby again. I told God, you’ve made me happy being a mother but if you have truly healed me, the first day I decide to try for a baby let the baby come. The very first time I tried to conceive, I took in .This is me who had toiled for 4years before the 1st child came and in a matter of seconds another came. After over 4 years of waiting, within 2 years I was a mother of 2 sons. Jesus came through for me. He always comes through. I’ll serve him forever.
I have two lovely sons now, but what’s more amazing about the process is how God built me, built my reliance on Him, and built my faith. I learned to wait, I learned to trust and I learned to sieve what I allowed to get into my spirit. I learned to manage what I said to people because I knew how I had suffered. I learned to spot prayer contractors from a mile off and I saw the beauty of friendships as I had friends that trusted God with me and waited throughout with me. I’m grateful for the word God brought to me through Pastor Adeboye and Pastor Elias Ndeda. God confirmed His word with signs and wonders following. I’m so excited for a chance to share.”
Thanks Adaeze for sharing with us. Truly, God may not act like we want Him to, that’s why He is God; but He will surely do what He promises.
Stay encouraged. God is ABLE!
Image credits: Google Images and Adaeze.